Beautiful memories

I'm currently blogging through my summer mission trip to Germany! If you haven't yet, read this!

I'm going to skip the next couple of listed journal entries, and provide pictures from my second and third days in Germany instead. I apologize in advance for the alignment of the photos--Blogger is not my friend. I'd like to get to the meaningful entries and updates and share the things I experienced in my heart, not just the fun activities (which were still awesome!). However, because I am too chronological, I have to show you pieces of everything before I get to the rest!

6/30/12, Saturday
Day 2 in Germany

We began the day with a delicious traditional German breakfast spread

 

French press coffee, Broetchen, different assortments of cheese and meat.
I even tried liverwurst and really liked it!

Next the Holts took us to Luebeck, by way of back roads so that we could enjoy the beautiful scenery of Schleswig-Holstein. Everything was so green and perfect. Here's Luebeck!

The devil outside the Cathedral

Scott wouldn't let us go in until I hugged the guy!

Luebeck was spectacular! A cool town with lots of history and awesome architecture. We went to the Marzipan store--Marzipan everything! After we walked all over the town, we went to the beach (we were in the Baltic Sea, I believe) in a place called Scharbeutz. It was so nice to enjoy the sun (and it not be 100 degrees;), and then we ate at a seafood restaurant and finished up the evening with ice cream at sundown.
Here is Scharbeutz!

The water was frigid!

7/1/12 Sunday
Day 3 in Germany
I couldn't believe it was already July! Scott made us more delicious food (he was always cooking amazing dishes) and then we set off for Pluem, where Andrea's parents live. Her dad was very nice to speak to me a little bit in German, and he later was confused if I was American or French. Apparently, my accent sounded French to him--interesting. Here are pictures of their adorable home and amazing view from their backyard!

Our journey of the day was kayaking! We put together a fold-up kayak belonging to the Holts so that Katie & Scott could launch it from Andrea's parents. Meanwhile, Andrea & I went up the river to rent a kayak and met our counterparts at a fork in the water! Long story short, the kayak Andrea & I were in was not near as easy to maneuver as the other one, so we we opted for only 2.5 hours of total kayak time, and met Katie & Scott by car at a precious little cafe nestled into the river.

Happy Kayak-er! It was my first time, and Andrea let me sit in
the back so I could learn how to steer with the pedals!

Enjoying coffee, cocoa, wurstchen and cake!

It's literally right on the river! Also, I was freezing!

Here is the excerpt from my journal entry that Sunday evening. Thanks for viewing! I'm really missing these experiences, but being able to post about it is helping me to keep it sharp in my mind.

"I am looking forward to having the day alone tomorrow in the city. I need some time to spend in communion with the Lord, reflect on my experiences, and prepare my heart for the rest of my trip. I'm praying tonight for opportunities tomorrow to engage Germans in conversation about the gospel. May I be so bold and may the Lord guide my words. It's raining right now, and it's really wonderful sitting here beneath the Holts' sun room listening to the drizzle and being awed by the lightning. I am so content."

Welcome to Hamburg!

I'm currently blogging through my summer mission trip to Germany! If you haven't yet, read this!

After a brief "early life crisis," as I deemed it, involving the usefulness of my degree in Entrepreneurship if I ever actually decide to open a ministry/outreach coffee shop, the Lord gave me a renewed spirit of diligence and productivity. I'm hoping for continued strength in that through tomorrow, since I have quite a bit to accomplish. The Lord is good, and I want to be faithful in living completely for him in whatever I do.

I'm also having some serious travel lust right now--looking at pictures (mine & others) of Germany, Austria, etc. while enjoying a nice beverage and some delicious jazz. My heart is so full of joy at recently hearing about the salvation of a teen of mine from this summer (a former atheist), Praise the Lord! However, at the same time I find my soul aching in a way I can't truly describe, though if you've had similar experiences you surely know what I mean, to return to this land where I feel so "at home."
Amongst the mixed-up mash of feelings, I am also trying to be steadfast in keeping Jim Elliot's words in mind, "Wherever you are, be all there." Here's an awesome video that helps remind me God has called me to this awesome city of Denton, for now. (My roommate and I had a discussion earlier this evening about reaching out more and ministering to our neighbors in the apartment building. We've both been feeling the Lord prompt us in this lately, but only discovered the mutual desire this evening. God's cool like that.)

 I'm trying to determine how to begin posting excerpts from my journal / online updates from this summer. I'm not sure if I should go the verbatim route, or choose pieces to elaborate on. Which stories do I tell you more about? Which do I leave as a list? So much uncertainty. 

For tonight, here are my list-like, word-for-word experiences from the first couple days in Hamburg. Pardon the awful writing and random German words. I was excited to be there! If you want to hear more about something I briefly mention, just tell me and I'll happily elaborate in my next post :) This is one of the only listy entries, so better recollections to come! Promise. Italicized words are added after-the-fact (now) for clarity.

"6/28/12
   29
I scratched out the date in my journal--I originally had my days incorrect for awhile because I was a little confused by losing a day in the 7-hour time difference. ;) 
Hamburg Day 1 with Katie
Yesterday was my day to arrive in Hamburg and be met by Katie, Andrea and Scott. Andrea and Scott were the couple that graciously hosted me for a week so that I could visit Katie while she was doing her internship in Hamburg! Blessed by wonderful travel mercies and incredible hosts! Spent a lovely evening at their adorable home soaking in the German weather, eating Turkish pizza and enjoying my feet on the ground. 
Today- SUCH A FULL AMAZING DAY. 
Jotting down notes to remember--too exhausted for much else. Though I didn't experience much jet lag at all, we started our day at 6:00 a.m. and didn't return home until midnight. Caught train, grabbed a breakfast pastry (ordered auf Deutsch!), saw the world's most amazing park in Hamburg, went to the HB Rathaus, walked around the mall, ate lunch at an outdoor Weinfest (ordered again!), took the train & bus to Stadtpark with the help of a wonderful girl named Vanessa, enjoyed park and napped. I did a lot of park-napping. It was incredible. Rode the bus & train back with the help of a nice man, it rained, met Andrea's colleague Svenia--SO SWEET! We had Eiss, Italien dinner, saw Repperbahn (Red light district), took the boat tour of Hamburg -- all auf Deutsch but very cool! Katie and I barely caught our train back, made the connection, and I talked to a jolly fellow in German. Scott picked us up from the Kaltenkirchen station and I'm pooped! Tomorrow-- Lübeck!" 


Okay, sorry if that was painful! Here are pictures of things I mentioned :) 

In the greenroom at the Holts' home! 

Holt House from the front!

Backyard view!

Holt House

Above 4 photos are all from the park!

Inside of the Rathaus (City hall)

Rathaus from the outside

Lunch at the wine festival

A very happy Katie at lunch

Chillin' with Katie on some steps overlooking the river (above)

With Svenia (who took us to the Reeperbahn & the Harbor tour)

Reeperbahn -- Prostitution is legal there, so it was very different
to see a police station on one corner with women lined up on the next

Going back to Germany

It's been quite awhile since I've utilized this blog--almost 5 months, actually! I last posted about taking an electronic break, which was surprisingly incredibly enjoyable and effective. Once I disconnected myself from facebook, I found so much more time to focus on the Lord, be productive, and I didn't even feel the desire to return. The only reason I reactivated my facebook after over three months was to stay in communication with all the new friends I made this summer in Germany.

Speaking of, I was in Germany for almost seven weeks! It was amazing and wonderful and incredible and all things good in life, and I did not want to return to Texas. At all.

I have decided that for the next few weeks I'm going to post excerpts & elaborations from the journal I kept during my trip. This actually wasn't my idea, but was an inspired suggestion from this wonderful friend and blogger. :) It will help me to remember the experiences I had, the lessons I learned, and enable me to share it with you in the most tangible way possible. This summer was an incredible time of community with the Lord, as He was the only constant I had in my life, so many of my journal reflections are cries to God or depictions of what I could feel Him whispering to me. There were many times of elated joy, and some times of overwhelmed sorrow (though they were far outweighed by enjoyment). I will share all of this with you! I'm not sure yet how the format will go, but we'll see when I post my first blog. For now, I will leave some pictures. Happy viewing! 

With my lovely friend Katie Johnson on my first full day in Hamburg, Germany!

She took me to some incredible places, including this park.

I will detail that first day or few in my next post, with more pictures, of course.

Probably my favorite picture from my entire trip... It really sums up who I am.

Here I am, with Hamburg in the background. So elated to finally be there!

Give me a break

So, I'm taking a break and disconnecting from a things like facebook and this blog for a little while. Maybe a week. Maybe the month of May. I am mentally exhausted, spread much too thin, and far too distracted from the things that matter most. When I am gone for seven weeks, and perhaps someday for much longer periods of time, God will be the only constant. I want and need for Him to be the only thing I lean on.

I have been drowning out the Lord with noise from my busy life--planning things, finals, Maymester (starts tomorrow), work, the future, "religious activity", cleaning, creative avoidance (facebook, blogger, television), health issues, sleeping. He's been working on my heart, pursuing me, and showing me things about myself I didn't want to face, so I've been running and I'm done with that. I want to know my Father, my Savior, my Everything in a more real way than I've ever imagined. I want Him to have my whole heart. I don't want to think about how great something from my time with the Lord will sound as a facebook status (how trite and shallow!!), or how "selfless" an excerpt from my journal may appear on my blog (even though that's what I'm doing right now........). It's all a facade, really. Putting on a mask by saying that I'm not putting on mask?! I want to be REAL with people, I want to be OPEN, and I want to be vulnerable. But first, I have to be dependent only upon Christ.

I don't want to think about how I want to be pursued by my future husband, as though marriage is something I am entitled to. I want to know what it's like to be fully aware of Christ's pursuit of my heart. Only. I long to spend time with him daily, joyfully and willingly. I reluctantly admit that it doesn't always happen that way. Not really even very close. I'm so far from what I think a biblical, loving wife should be, so I shouldn't even be thinking about companionship apart from Christ alone in the first place, until I am fully satisfied in Him alone.

I want God's love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and self-control to flow out of me. I want to be joyfully proclaiming His name and the message because I live, breathe and believe it. Right now, I don't constantly live, breathe and believe it. I'm just being honest. I have been teaching and training students to live out a faith that I don't always understand or know myself. We've been going through deep idols and the difference in self-righteousness/licentiousness, which are not gospel-true. Yet, all along, I've just been in teach mode, but not in learn mode. Oh, how much I struggle with the idols of control and approval, which manifest themselves all of over my life. What a self-righteous life I lead! I grew up on a "Christian checklist" and earning my salvation through a works-based faith, and I'm still doing that! With my head, I can tell you that grace is unmerited favor, but my heart is still hard to believe it. Lord, help my unbelief!

I found an old journal entry from June 21, 2010, very short, very heavy, very exasperated. 
"Show me how to have an intimate relationship with You. Faith based on head knowledge. View of love based on earning." 

I have been saying with my mouth, "I give these things up to God, they are in His control." But with my heart, I have then taken them, locked them away in a metaphorical trunk labeled, "IN GOD'S WILL, THANK YOU."  I truly want to open my grasp and give Him control, but I think it has to be a daily giving up, daily struggle. I read something that said "If you keep trying to carry out your intentions while God is leading you in another direction, you deify your desires." Ouch! And so, because I'm so forgetful, I've taken some visible actions to remind myself daily the things I want to give to God and discover His will for me. Not write my will for them, and label them "God's will." Things like control, the future, Germany (my long to go there can be idolatrous, even if it is what the Lord wants), desire for companionship, marriage, my whole heart, desire for independence, approval, comfort, school. I'm giving them over, but I will have to loosen my grip on the things I cling to daily. And so, daily, it shall be. 

Rapper?

Rapper is such a boring term! Other types of artists are showered with credit and unique names (rock star, queen of ___, pop star, celebrity, indie goddess, singer gone actress, model gone singer), but when it comes to those lyrical geniuses, what else can they be called?

Let's brainstorm, shall we?
-Swag machine
-Thug monster
-Gangsta man
-Beat bringer

...well, I planned for the list to be much more expansive, but I've suddenly run out of inspiration...
perhaps we should stick with rapper or swag machine, I believe those are best suited.

I am thankful for. . .

. . . this beautiful weather!
Praise the Lord for such glorious rays of sunshine, the perfect temperature, and the best shades of green around. I even got to read articles for my research paper by pool yesterday for two hours and am developing a nice crisp.
. . . my stressful German exam on Friday  
being changed to a take-home exam on Wednesday and not due until Monday! 
. . . tidiness! 
Our apartment has been quite clean for a few days, and has stayed that way, as has my bedroom. It's amazing how much more driven I can be in a clutter-free environment! Speaking of: 
. . . motivation!  
We are at that point in the semester where everything is converging at once!  Way too many projects, exams, research papers and the like to even discuss, but I'm nearing the point of stress-overload (which leads to crawling under the covers and refusing to come out). However, this weekend I have gotten quite a bit done, and with the exception of this blog to sing praises to Him who brings life, I am still motivated to be productive today! I prayed last night as I was falling asleep to have a desire and spirit of productivity today, and the Lord has provided. Why I am I still surprised when that happens? Oh....
. . . someone to take my lease! 
I will be out of the country for several weeks this summer, and I have found a wonderful new friend named Bonnie to live in my apartment and pay my lease for the months of June, July and August! What a blessing not to pay rent for an empty room :) And we got along so wonderfully, I cannot wait to get to know her better and hangout more! She found out about my apartment through The City, a social networking tool my church utilizes. 
. . . prayers and funds :) 
I have sent out the majority of my support letters for my Germany trip, and funds and feedback have already begun to drift in. Praise the Lord! 
. . . my cats

I love them a lot. I have two (my sister has one as well), but they live all the way in Justin :( Woody has been my baby since I was in Kindergarten! And I'm pretty sure Tanner has brain damage because he's so weird, but so funny. Above is Tanner, expressing his affection to my shoe. He was loving and kissing and hugging it for a solid ten minutes. I have a video. Below is Woody, telling me I'm not allowed to leave for school since he took my backpack hostage. 

. . . my appointment with the neurologist in May. 
I would really love not having a headache daily, and migraine weekly (at least), when I live in Germany for seven weeks. It would be so wonderful to feel healthy!!!! I recently got some new medication, which is actually anti-seizure medication, to help with migraines. I haven't had one, but my headaches seem to be more frequent and stubborn. hmph.  
. . . being single. . . 
though I do sometimes (okay, okay, often) complain about how everyone (but really, everyone) is engaged, married, or headed in that direction, I really am thankful and blessed for the place God has me in my singleness. I am so busy and thinly spread as it is with school, work and extra-curriculars through church, I would hardly have time for a companion! And as I am preparing to relocate to Germany as a mission-school student/missionary, my singleness is truly an advantage gifted from the Lord. Praises to Him! 
(I do, however, reserve the right to say that if the Lord were to bring a man into my life whose life-purpose, goals, and visions align with mine, I might find some time for him;).
. . . the church. 
not necessarily, the Village Church, though I am incredibly thankful for the growth, teaching and community I have found there. I am referring to the body of Christ, the family of brothers and sisters who I can lean on and love on, grow with and grow through, struggle with and help through struggle. Recently, I have received several emails from brothers across the globe in Germany and Switzerland in regards to my upcoming trip to Germany, or in regards to my potential relocation after graduation. They are so open, loving, and desiring of missionaries to come to Europe--I already feel so welcome and loved, and I haven't even met them yet! 
. . . the cheeseburger I just ate. 
awful for me, but it tasted so good! 
. . . home

I'll be moving home for a few weeks in June, and commuting to work & church in Denton, until I leave for Germany on the 27th. I'll also be living there when I return on August 13th until I move back into my apartment on September 1st. I love that small town, out in the middle of nowhere, see the stars at night, relish the smell of manure, remember the sound of crickets and coyotes place. It feels like home (well, it is), and I love all of the memories that live there.

 Seriously, how can you look at these pictures and not see how beautiful God's creation is!? Lovely :) Favorite parts of the drive home.










. . . Family 
I love my family very much, and I love how honest and open we can be with one another. It is always many laughs when we are together (many, many laughs), and I'm looking forward to spending some time with them when I move home for a few weeks in June & August. Below is a picture with my Meme & Papa (dad's parents) on Easter Sunday when we met for brunch.